I Suddenly Have a Mom Mullet thumbnail

I Suddenly Have a Mom Mullet

3 Things by Leslie Marinelli, The Bearded Iris

3 Things by Leslie Marinelli, The Bearded Iris

Truth

I spent last weekend experimenting with various ways to cope with a disappointing haircut.

And before you say, “Oh it can’t be that bad!” let me assure you that it is. My hair looks like Carol Brady and David Cassidy had a baby, and that baby grew up to bear the illegitimate spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus after a night of too many Bartles and Jaymes Apple Passion Wine Coolers at the Georgia State fair. In other words, I suddenly have a Mom Mullet.

You know your new ‘do is bad when your two younger kids get off the school bus and say “MOM! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?” and/or when your husband asks what you want for your birthday and your teenaged son says, “Hats. Get her some new hats.”

The worst part is that it’s really all my fault.

Which brings me to these (new and improved) Life Lessons from a Beauty Salon:

1. Do not wait too long in between haircuts or your stylist may assume you live in a bunker and need something practical for months of surviving underground.

2. Your stylist is not a mind reader. Bring a photograph with you because your verbal description of bangs and layers might sound exactly like her vision of David Spade in Joe Dirt.

3. If your scheduled hair appointment falls on a day when you are experiencing any type of PMS symptoms, reschedule. Trust me, your stylist would much rather have a last minute hole in her schedule than have to watch you ugly cry.

4. Never befriend your stylist on Facebook or tell her about your blog or you will have no safe place to vent your self-loathing without accidentally making her feel bad.

5. And remember, it’s just hair. It will grow back. (Said the woman wearing a hat and defriending her stylist from the safety of her underground bunker.)

Tip

Totally switching gears (mainly to stop perseverating about my haircut), but one of the best tips I’ve ever discovered and shared on my blog is that the most effective way to cut brownies (once they are cool!) is with a plastic knife.

For some reason the brownies won’t stick to the plastic knife and get all mangled when you slice them. Try this. It really works!

How to Cut Brownies by The Bearded Iris Find

I’m a hairy woman, hence “The Bearded Iris” moniker.

And it’s getting worse the older I get.

The main problem with getting hairier with age is that the amount of facial hair increases in direct proportion with the decline of our vision. Thus, it becomes harder and harder to see the facial hairs you want to pluck.

Yeah, yeah, I know all about laser hair removal. It didn’t work for me. And I’m too cheap and lazy to go get waxed or threaded on a regular basis. So I do it myself and I recently discovered a tool that makes it so much easier and faster than individual plucking, particularly given my newly developing presbyopia.

It’s the REM Spring® and I found it through a friend on Twitter. It’s a flexible stainless steel spring that costs about $15 and it works wonders! It does hurt, I’m not going to lie. But you get used to it. And I love that it grabs my nanny goat neck hairs that I can never seem to see in my magnifying mirror.

And hey, if it doesn’t make you cry a little, you’re probably doing it wrong. At least that’s what my hair stylist tells me.

***

Contributor: Leslie from The Bearded Iris and In The Powder Room
Check out In The Powder Room where she is Editor-in-Chief.
Read her personal blog: The Bearded Iris: A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All.
Join her on Facebook.
Follow her on Twitter.
See her faves on Pinterest.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Kari March 14, 2013 at 7:06 am

    If anyone can pull off a mom mullet, it’s you!

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  • Jennie March 14, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Oh, I’ve had one of those haircuts- except mine wasn’t so much ‘mullet’ as, “little English boy” as quoted by the husband. And I even brought a picture to the stylist! She ended up literally giving me the exact opposite of what the picture showed; short where it should be long, long where it should be short. It was awful. But you’re right- hair does grow back. Thank you God, that it does grow back! I hope your hair-growing powers really kick in for you and your head. ;)

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  • christina March 14, 2013 at 11:17 am

    You are so right about the hair, eyes, and age…and it’s nicer to use something without batteries.

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  • Jenna@CallHerHappy March 14, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    I just discovered 3 Things for Mom from Hallie’s blog yesterday. I love it already!

    And, the plastic knife. I will vouch for you. My grandma swears by it, and it’s so true!

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  • Alison March 15, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Hey, if anyone can rock a mullet, it’s you! And I mean that in the best possible way.

    Ooh, good tip with the plastic knife!

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  • Kim-one classy motha March 15, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Your too late on the hair stylist tip, not only does she know about my blog, she knows all my friends, where I live, and where I keep my spare key. I’m forced to cry about my hair while balled up in a running shower.

    And thanks for that REM Spring tip! But I have to say, it does look painful. Even the ad made my eyes tear up.

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  • Cath March 15, 2013 at 11:48 am

    Mmmmm. Brownies. And, hey, I have an annoyingly long nose hair poking (ok, hanging) out of one nostril. Seems like my day is cut out for me. If I bake first I can ‘emotionally eat’ the brownies to soothe the post hair-removal crying. My hair looks great lately, but I will file the tips away for another time. XO

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  • Amy March 15, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I too am suffering a new mom mullet, so this post actually makes me feel better. My husband referred to mine as “heroin hair,” so that’s nice. Layers in all the wrong places. Wishing you speedy hair growth, and pretty hats.

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  • Alexandra March 15, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Oh, I’ve had this.

    The bad haircut. I looked like an arrow.

    SO SORRY, Leslie, but it does grow back.

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  • L. Hewitt March 15, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I just got back from my new stylist and she was great! Whew
    I did not know that about brownies.
    Going to check out the new tool.
    Thanks for letting me know about this new site.

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  • Lisa Newlin March 16, 2013 at 1:03 am

    To quote what the kids say on the internets these days “Photo or it didn’t happen.” Your fans deserve to see a photo of this mom mullet. You’re a cut tease.

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  • Jessica March 16, 2013 at 6:32 am

    There really are so cute hats out there right now. And love the brownie trick.

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  • hollow tree ventures March 16, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    I think it’s cute that you cut your pans of brownies into pieces. I don’t even bother to kid myself – when you ain’t sharing, the whole pan is just one, big brownie.

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  • Julia's Math March 18, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Plastic knife, eh? Will try.
    I had the worst haircut of my life when I was eight and a half months pregnant. I shan’t go into details (even almost four years later, it’s too raw). I had a reverse mullet that was goth black. Why my hair was shorter at the end of my pregnancy I failed to understand. Especially with the whole I’m growing it out thing. And just a little darker was translated to emo goth… I cried for weeks, every time I looked in the mirror. I had to stop obsessing- dr’s orders- because my blood pressure was rising. Nightmare.

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  • Nina March 18, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Loved every word of this. Including the plastic knife tip! Genius!

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  • Danielle March 20, 2013 at 11:13 am

    Nanny goat hairs!!! So funny I laughed out loud. Although I shouldn’t be laughing since my husband just informed me the other day, “Hey in this light I just noticed how much hair you have on your neck”. (ugh) Keep the funny posts coming – you rock!

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  • Natural Hair Regrowth June 21, 2013 at 4:19 am

    I love the plastic knife tips!

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